Trampoline, Explaned!

Want to be an Olympian? Sure you do, but what’s that you say? You don’t qualify under either faster, higher or stronger? Cut from the JV Basketball team on the first day? Not patrician enough to afford sailing or riding lessons? Well, what about your classic backyard sports? Sure, Lawn Darts have been outlawed by people sensitive to skull puncture, and offering to demonstrate your skill at “Corn Hole” keeps getting you arrested. But what about the trampoline? You remember that thing don’t you, it’s the bouncy toy that’s kept generations of orthopedics in business for years! That’s right, the trampoline is not just a good way to pretend to exercise, its an Olympic sport!

The trampoline dates back to the old world practice of ‘blanketing,’ in which an angry mob would administer a humiliating punishment upon transgressors by flinging them into the air several times, before finally just letting them crash into the ground and become injured for their amusement, notably this is also how NASCAR got it’s start.

Science took most of the human effort out of the equation when George Nissen and Larry Griswold created the first ‘modern’ trampoline in 1934 after observing the net used by trapeze artists, and named their invention after the Spanish word for diving board, trampolin.

After stints in the Air Force and NASA, the trampoline was employed for sport and was contested for the first time in an Olympics at the 2000 Sydney Games, although international trampoline competitions were held as early as 1964. A relatively simple sport (with just the trampoline, copious padding and Dramamine for the audience needed) trampolining is judged using the same, clearly defined rules that make subjective grading so popular.

For each competitor’s routine, five judges grade how well each move (drawn from both traditional gymnastics and other gravitationally hampered sports like diving) is executed, and each keeps a running total of penalizing deductions, which is then subtracted from 10, and then the highest and lowest result from the five totals is omitted. These three numbers are then added to the difficulty score that the competitor accumulates with each move (each move having been pre-scored on its individual difficulty, and placed on a handy chart). This results in a final score that is used to rank the competitors. In case of a tie, both competitors must engage in a round of Kosho to the death.

With this info, you’ll be performing Barani Ball Outs in no time, good luck, and enjoy!

Judo Scoring, Explained!

Now, if you’re like me, you’ve been watching Judo online while you should have been spending time with your family or sleeping…or working. Firstly, I’m sorry you’re like me, but secondly you’ve probably been baffled by how Olympic Judo is scored. You’ve no doubt seen more then one match where the score went quickly to something like 101 to zero, and then an instant later then losing fighter is declared the winner after a single move.

(Fighters struggle to reach the score multiplier before it fades)

Therefore, I scoured the web looking for an explanation and found the answer to be a lot more interesting than I first thought. (H/T to http://www.judoinfo.com/rules1.htm)

The goal of competitive Judo is to score a single point, called an Ippon (this is opposed to actual Judo where the goal is to finish off the masses of redshirts in front of you and still have enough energy left to take on the hidden island’s boss, the old man with the razor claw and the wheezing laugh who’s holding the world for ransom).

The first competitor to score this one point by either maintaining a pin for 25 seconds, choking out or submitting an opponent, or ideally: throwing the opponent to the mat with “considerable force and speed” (you gotta love a sport with that phrase in its official rulebook) will win instantly.

Lacking that, one can win by scoring two half-points (math is power) called Waza-ari, by achieving a not-so-forceful throw, or a 20-second pin.

Points are also scored for ‘partially successful’ throws and 15-20 second pins, known as Yuko, and non-back landing throw results and brief pins, called Koka.

Scoreboards represent these by separating them into three digit numbers. Therefore, a contestant with one Waza-ari, one Yuko and no Kokas would have a score of 110. While an opponent with zero Waza-aris three Yukos and two Kokas would have a 32. If this match timed out, the first competitor would win, even though he or she had less scoring moves. (Ippons are not recorded since scoring one would end the match)

Recently abandoned scoring rules include the awarding 5/8^th of a point for throwing your opponent through a wall. Also removed: knives, lengths of lead pipe, and hunks of energy-restoring, bone-in pork roasts. Finishing moves are still allowed if enough Chi has been accumulated.

Hajime and enjoy!

Today the Floor Exercise Mat, Tomorrow the World!

Everyone has wondered about the problems plaguing the US Gymnastics team.

Closer inspection has revealed that it may be the influence of a certain evil, mind-controlling starfish from outer space.

That’s right, it’s Starro The Conqueror.

Quick, someone replace all the chalk with Calcium Oxide! What? It'll burn their skin off? Okay, I'll think of something else, just keep them busy while I go find Michael Phelps, I mean, Aquaman...